I'd ask where I went wrong, but perhaps I just never started going right. I'm sure I was happy once, at least mostly. Pretty sure I was an idiot kid at the time. Ah, to go back and not to have to care about shit.

I type this from my bed, the sort of thing I'm keen to do with this laptop device of mine, and pretty much all I can think about is how amazingly tired I am of life at large and the world in which we live. The weekends are okay, I guess. I waste them doing nothing interesting or important, but I don't mind it so much, since I mainly just enjoy video games these days. But then it's gone, and tomorrow -- nay, today, still doing that after 3 and a half years -- I restart the same tragic circus, the same old mind-degrading grind to another weekend o' nothing. The weeks are completely wasted except that they give me money to throw at my weekends. I do nothing during them except work and hate.

I've lost touch with almost everything, like the world is such a vacuous hole of pointlessness that everything has blurred into something abstract and meaningless. Somehow I think I've managed to become even more forgetful and scatterbrained. I make a deadline every now and then, but most of them are counted on the next day's business because I forget these things until the middle of the night, or because the deadlines are on weekends and I can't think more than a day ahead, which I think has happened about 2 or 3 times this month.

Even as I lie here, my thoughts disperse and mean less and less, so I guess I'll truncate the rambling before it gets any more pathetic. I'm sure my case is really pretty typical. Maybe I just need something worth living for or whatever. Can't imagine what, though. In the meantime, I'll just hang around here in this little Pink Floyd hole of darkness and grope around for a seam, look for a light or whatever other lame metaphor you like.

PS: Just as I had chilled out on deviantART, it hijacked my browser earlier and started saying something about running a remote virus scan, to which I reacted by terminating the browser via the task manager. If that happens again, I'm gone with the drop of a hat, no questions asked.